When Passion is pummeled by Sir Narcissist

What happens when the most disappointing and controlling man in your life has been your father?

When your main male role model, as in your primary study on how men should treat women, is actually not the best example?

What happens when you’ve realized a life full of abandonment during times of great need, during times of non-judgement, during times of unconditional love, there appears an emotional cost, a tit-for-tat mentality, that only a narcissist love could afford?


Narcissus, of Greek Mythology

What happens when it’s revealed that your father’s here-to-fore good will, doting, amusement and attention disappear once you’ve past a certain age; once you’ve stopped reflecting his image, his desires, his opinions, his “father-knows-best” conditions?

He disappears. Nothing upsets a classic narcissist more than his child growing up. Mimicry, adulation, and complete acquiescence giving way to maturity, individual thought, rebellion, and a forging of one’s own path, spelling disaster for the fragile ego of Sir Narcissist. The only way to control an emotionally maturing child, is for him to wash his hands of them.

I’ve actually witnessed Sir Narcissist, my father, in action with my brother’s children, with my cousin’s children, with his own friend’s children. Almost every adult family member has at one point or another, been cut out of his life. It’s never his fault. What shocking behaviour? Not to a narcissist.

Interestingly, the success of my father’s second marriage is due to a rigorous adherence to his advice by my stepmother. She has made a lot of money listening to his advice, I should add.

Is she happy?

The best piece of advice my father gave was to give up what made me passionate about living a creative life, and to drift into a practical role of making money and surviving, independent of anyone.  No, not the best piece of advice for me personally to hear time and time again. It was in his opinion, the best piece of advice he could give.

I’ve spent the past couple of years seriously thinking about how to “un-hear” this “fatherly” advice.  Recently, I’ve become tired of hearing echoes of his voice inside my brain, reminding me how impractical my life has been. The truth is that any decision I made regarding my life that didn’t follow his strict advice, was a bad decision and impractical. At what point does the crush of spirit, the repeated pummeling out of joyful, creative existence by a parental hand, stop hurting or stop influencing my future?

Mayhap never.  Not in a complete way.

What has helped me tremendously is understanding the kind of man my father was to me and discovering the community of my choosing that has done its utmost to support me and show me another way of living. Recently, I’ve found, through the greatest support of those closest to me, a way to rise up and find a passionate connection, a creative pursuit in the art of activism. I’ve found a way to make the most delicious lemonade out of the truck full of lemons.

It’s summer time. When else is the best time to drink lemonade?

#community #spirituality #change #journey #narcissism #NYC #compassion #passion

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