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Bartending and food colouring
I figure, I’ll take the free bartending class and… Gulp. This is going to be fun, right?? Slinging drinks, making dough, while I await regular work to pick up. Right??
I arrive at the school and Lo!! There are two floors of bars! I mean, I’m sure I’ve been here. Let’s ignore what that says about me. The setting puts you directly into the feel of being behind the average NYC bar.
Erica, our sassy bar aficionado, took off at a clip. She went through the curriculum, some bragging rights, and of course talked about how much money she took in working last weekend. I quickly keyed in on Erica’s stats:
15 years bartending experience,
averaging 12 drinks in 3 minutes,
exceptional short term memory retention,
smooth as silk salesmenship,
topped off with that special attentiveness that makes patrons instantly at ease.
Sure. No sweat. Easy right? I doubt I’ll see the equivalent of her $600 on any given shift sometime soon, but I’ve noticed that her eye contact and charm goes a heck of a long way to cover inadequacies in speed. Still, I know I’m going to have to bust my ass if I’m going to make any kind of money.
It’s fun!! It’s gonna BE fun!!
I’m not going to lie. Making drinks is only part of it. I’m going to teach you how to open, close, use the POS system, roll a keg barrell, and change the tap. By the time you graduate, you’ll know 100-120 cocktails, and you’ll have to make 20 cocktails in 6 minutes or under. -Erica
Ummm… Ok. The good news is that there’s actually an education happening. And it’s gonna be fun right??
The moment arrives when I’m actually behind the bar. Wow. It feels really cool. Different. Weird. Cool. Wow. I’m doing it. It’s happening. Everything is awkward: holding bottles, displaying what you’re doing like it’s a show, chilling glasses and counting out ounces of food coloured water via jigger free pouring. Sigh, I’d kinda hoped we were gonna make real drinks.
Oh, how the food colouring sloshes and flows all over the place, making yellow, blue and green mosaics everywhere. How many counts is an ounce, again? If it’s two counts of blue curacao, um, that makes four counts of um, no, four counts of, err…
Erica drills us: Long Island Ice Tea! Screw Driver! Blue Hawaiian! Sex on the Beach! Cosmopolitan! Jack and Coke! Whoa, what kind of count is that?? I’m coming to your bar! You’re gonna get me drunk fast! You’ll probably get fired too!
Hmmm. Shoot. How soon does school start?